Who's In Your Tribe?

​I have a great many things I want to write about lately, but have not had the time, mental clarity, or energetic space to do so. I’ve been spending a lot of time with family while visiting Virginia. After traveling the nation full time for a year, it feels wonderful to be in one place for a while, where I know the people, and I am welcome in their homes and in their lives. I can walk right into the house without knocking. If I’m not there when the kids get home from school, they are texting me, asking where I am. It has created a sense of belonging that I have always craved in my life. But it has also been very demanding of my time and energy.
 
Someone recently asked me if I have found my tribe. She unwittingly asked the million dollar question. This has been a large part of my life story since I was a child. Events and circumstances in my life have taught me many valuable lessons about friendships and family, and it seems to be an on-going theme.
 
The first twelve years of my life were spent on Colonial Drive. I went to the same elementary school, with the same classmates, from kindergarten to sixth grade. If I wasn’t playing with my three brothers, then I was playing with the same kids on my block that I have always played with. This was my tribe. This was my home. And it marks the longest period of time that I have ever lived in one place in my 41 years on planet earth in this body.
 
I never went to the same school for more than a year after that. In eighth grade, I went to three different schools, in two different states. We moved from city to city, town to town, until I got out of school. I cannot remember the names of any of the friends I made during that time. Nor have I kept in contact with the friends I grew up with on Colonial Drive. The few that I have bumped into when I first returned to South Florida seemed like strangers to me. I no longer knew these people, and they didn't know me.
 
This experience has made it difficult for me to learn how to make friends, and keep them. I see others whose closest circle of friends are the same as it was 30 years ago. They talk to each other daily, or have Saturday dinners together with the families, or take trips together. This is so foreign to me. So there must be something wrong with me, right? Why am I not getting invited to watch the game on Sunday, or picnics and bar-b-ques?
 
My friends always seemed to be work buddies. Some of them I partied hard with back in my 20’s. But life goes on, and people move away. Only two remain a constant in my life; meaning we try to get together for brunch once a year, and occasionally send each other silly memes. Once I hit my 30’s, I seldom saw my work buddies outside of work. We just weren’t that type of friends. I always found it odd that you can spend 40 hours a week with someone, truly care about them and what was happening in their lives, but if one of you leaves the company, the friendship seems to cease to exist. Almost as if we don’t know how to maintain a friendship outside the office space. And I have always mourned the loss of these people in my daily life.
 
Now I work from home, and there are no office buddies to spend my day with. And I am left wondering how do adults make new friends? I live in an RV and travel full time, so no neighbors to befriend (not that I was ever good at making friends with the neighbors as an adult). We don’t have children, so no making friends with other parents (no common ground). We don’t attend a church, club, or any other social function. And truth be told, I am quite shy, and always worry that others will not grasp my unique weirdness. I hold back while I analyze the vibes from others, and become the chameleon trying to fit it.
 
But here’s the real kicker. I love my alone time. I crave it and need it in large doses. I function very well alone for long periods of time. Family and friends can seem like obligations of my time and energy, and I hate feeling obligated. But perhaps this is meant to create balance in my life so that I can accomplish that which I came here to do without the distractions. I'm very picky about who I let into my life. I do not assume that just because someone was there at the beginning, they should always be there. I do not feel guilty for not being able to maintain a friendship, because after all, a telephone works both ways. I am extremely protective of my time and space. I will not allow just anyone in.  And I have zero tolerance for someone who is needy, or does not respect my time. 
 
So, we come to the lessons learned:

1. It is okay to no longer have relationships with certain friends or family members (even your own mother). Not everyone who comes into your life is supposed to be there for the long haul. Some just came forward for short periods of time to help you learn something, or to share a small part of the journey with you. Bear them no ill will. We are all just honoring our soul contracts.
2. As you continue your spiritual journey and raise your vibration, those who do not match your new vibration will fall away from you. This is okay. Their souls do not want to hold you back. You will attract what send out into the universe. At this point in our spiritual evolution, some of us are switching gears and jumping tracks rather rapidly, and people are coming and going from our lives like it’s a revolving door. This too is okay.
3. If there is any pain or resentment towards those who are no longer in your life, or the thought of running into them again sends you into a cold sweat,  then there is something there that you need to address and healed within you. This will act as a blockage in your life until you address the issue. You will know that this is healed when the thought of them feels neutral, or even better, when you can look back at the lessons learned and the role they played, and feel love and appreciation for their participation in your growth and development (I know, I may have just blown your mind with this one).
4. If someone has been on your mind lately, spirit is guiding you to reach out to them. Honor this! It may be that this person truly needs to hear from you. Do not underestimate your ability to assist another with just a phone call. It could also be your guides are trying to direct you to where the blockages are in your own life through unresolved issues with this person. You must face your past.
5. Do not under estimate how much you mean to others. There are times I have bailed out on a gathering and my presence was greatly missed, or the person very hurt. I didn’t know how much it meant to them to have me there. There have been other times when I have reached out to others and scheduled a meetup. Upon my arrival, they cried tear of joy at seeing me, and my reaching out to them reminded them that they were loved. Again, I had no idea how much I meant to them.
6. For some friendships, it will not matter how many years apart lay between you. It will be as if not a day has gone by once you see each other again. These are the most beautiful of souls.
7. There will be those that you meet along the way, and you will feel as if you recognize them, though you would swear you have never met. You hit it off with these people, as if you have been the best of friends for many lives. Indeed, you are recognizing their soul, even if you do not recognize their current form. It is always beautiful when this happens.
8. You cannot fix other peoples lives for them. You cannot build a relationship with others by trying to be indispensable to them. You cannot insert yourself into their lives. And you must set healthy boundaries with those who would keep asking for your help in doing that which they can do themselves. 

The most recent lesson learned came just this past week in the form of a 12 year old named Jacob. I was sitting by the lake watching my niece and nephew play in the water. We were the only three there. Jacob walked right up and "Hi, guys", with confidence and a sense of belonging. He took off is shoes and laid them next to me, asked if I could watch them for him, and jumped into the lake with the kids and started playing with them. I have a hard time walking into a crowded waiting room or elevator and saying hello! And here is this young man showing me how easy it is to be brave and just be you. There is something to be said for standing in your sovereignty, and isn't that what it means to truly embrace who you are, without worry that others may reject you? I'm so in awe of this kid!
 
I love all of you. Thank you for your role in my life!

​Written by: Elizabeth DiPace
​www.SoulConnectionRetreat.com

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