We’ve all experienced “Bad Guys” in our personal lives. When these men or women initially come into your life, you don’t immediately know what role they are going to play. After all, I can’t think of the last time I saw a “Bad Guy” wearing a black hat and a gun on their hip, challenging me to a duel at dawn. I’m not really sure how I would even respond to that. I could only hope that there was someone else there to witness it, because I doubt anyone would believe me when I told the story.
The “Bad Guys” I am referring to are the ones who bring destruction into your life. And where there is destruction, there is always pain. So we blame these people as being the cause of our pain. After all, if they hadn’t pulled whatever shenanigan that brought the shit storm into our lives, we never would have been hurt. So, the words “Bad Guy” and “Destruction” carry with them a lot of judgement. You simply cannot say these words without having a compulsive flinch inside.
Now, what if I told you that these bad guys are doing you a favor? They are fulfilling a soul contract that they have with you. Your soul called out, needing help from another to trigger an awakening, a release, a rebirth, or a transformation. And with great love for you, these souls stepped forward and said “Your growth is of the upmost importance to the collective. I will help you by playing this role in your life.”
At this point, you are probably thinking of the one person or event that hurt you the most, and your saying BULL SHIT! It’s okay to have that reaction. It is an indication that either you have not healed yet, your still learning or processing the situation, or a shift in your perspective of the situation as a whole is needed. More often than not, it can mean that you failed to learn the lesson. If you are unable to learn from the lesson, and let it transform you as it was designed to do, then it becomes something that festers. You can let the injury become your obsession, your life story; or you can turn it into your phoenix rising moment.
I am reminded of an lovely soul who worked twenty years in one career, for the same company. She feels the pressure mounting deep inside to leave that job, but her attempts to find a job along the same career path goes nowhere. So she lingers at a place that no longer serves her for three more years, because she is too afraid to chase her heart’s truest desires. Then people within the office start creating trouble for her- gossiping behind her back, creating a lynch mob of coworkers that no longer respect her. Suddenly, nothing she does is good enough, everything she does or says gets manipulated to make her look bad, and anonyms calls are made to a hotline to report her. After twenty years of loyal service, she is terminated. And with this new found freedom, she realizes that she doesn’t want another job within the same career field. She finally starts to listen to her heart, and takes a chance on letting the world see the version of her that she felt she had to hide in order to function within the corporate world. Her life transforms in magnificent ways, and she feels alive for the first time. Would it have been more graceful if she had taken that leap of faith herself three years ago instead of being pushed? Of course! But thank God for those “Bad Guys” who gave her the push. It was the greatest gift anyone has ever given her. These were not bad people. They were simply playing a part that she needed them to play. Soul contract fulfilled.
Trauma in our most intimate relationships also tend to be an opportunity for growth and transformation. Think of the woman who was cheated on her whole marriage, verbally and emotionally abused, and domineered. Once she takes off the blinders, and the full truth is revealed to her, the destruction begins. Up until that point, she believed everything was fine, and any harsh words she received were justified. She may have even believed that a "failed marriage" would make her a failure, and that she would be to blame. But once the destruction of these programs begins within her psyche, an extraordinary women is revealed as she allows the situation to completely transform her. She not only reclaims her power, she becomes the most kickass women you’ve ever seen. She stretches and expands, learns so much about herself, and commands dignity and respect. This new version of her was not a possibility had she never experienced such great pain. And when she no longer looks at their ex as a bad guy, and can thank him for the part that he played in her transformation, she powers up to a whole new level of Goddess.
I look back on my own life and see how beautifully this has played out time and again. In some ways, our lives can be seen as a road map. Our personal guides are working behind the scenes, looking at this map for reference. They are saying “Okay, at this point in her life, she should be here. And at this point, she should be ready for an awakening.” Please know, YOU MADE THE ROAD MAP! Your guides are just following the orders you set down when coming here. You said “Do whatever it takes to make sure I stay on course.” Each time my team felt I was ready for my next major transformation, it was always proceeded by a “Bad Guy”, and then destruction. Destruction is so important, because it creates the room for rebirth. It helps us to let go of something in our lives that was blocking our growth, be it a job, a relationship, or a belief. It’s amazing to me how many times the heart of the lesson is letting go of old programming.
There is great freedom and liberation in realizing that these people who brought about the destruction were only playing a role. It was a role that was designed to help you. And you will find that different people will keep coming into your life to play the same part until the lesson is learned. But it is not the events that should define us and become our life story. It is the change within us that these events lead to that define us. It is the awakening, the heart activation, the realization of our worth and all that we are capable of. It is the push that gets you on the path that was meant for you, and all that you will discover about yourself once you are on that path.
Some lessons are so large, they can take a lifetime to process and learn from. Some people have experienced horrors and abuse that we could never fathom. Other lessons seem to take forever to heal, because we stubbornly refuse to do what we know we must in order to forgive and move on. But it is important to know where you are on that path to healing. Take a moment to reflect on the “Bad Guys” in your life. Call them and the situation to mind. Breathe. Do you feel:
A) Anger or pain?
B) No anger or pain, but I’m not ready to forgive them.
C) I have forgiven them, and moved on with my life.
D) Appreciation for the part they played in my life. There is nothing to forgive.
Reread C and D. “I have forgiven them” vs. “There is nothing to forgive.” So, if there is nothing to forgive, then why must I forgive? Good question. Forgiveness is so very important in healing. It helps release all the energy within you that holds on to the pain this person caused in your life. But as your cosmic awareness and God consciousness expands, you realize there is nothing to forgive – instead you feel gratitude for their assistance in your growth. You appreciate the role they played in your life. You have now made that cosmic jump, where the words “Bad Guy” and “Destruction” no longer carry any pain or judgment.
This shift in awareness is crucial going forward as things begin to play out. You will see great destruction all around you, be it from our institutions, economy, politicians, or natural disasters. Can you look at the destruction that these forces are bringing into the lives of many without saying “This is so bad”? Can you be the compassionate observer to the destruction? This is not to say you must be passive in every situation. At times, you will feel like the destroyer yourself, as you deconstruct every aspect of your life (before another must come in and do it for you). It requires faith, trust, and non attachment. There is a time for you to be the creator, and a time for you to be the destroyer, for both are part of your nature. Knowing which power to wield in any given moment is true mastery.
Written by: Elizabeth DiPace
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